he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this beer tastes like vomit already
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
