I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
