I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
