I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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