Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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