no, he came in my armpit
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
