dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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