It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
