Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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