she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
