it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
