Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize