i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
