when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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