i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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