Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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