Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
