I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
