I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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