sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
