its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
