since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
