i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
