Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
