ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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