you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
