Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
