Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
