I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
