ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
