Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
