I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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