If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
