Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My bed smells like the plague
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize