rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
