Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
