Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
