I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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