omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
