I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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