I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
