Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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