Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
