Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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