Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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