I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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