Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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