I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize