I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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