Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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