69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
