Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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