Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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