Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
