I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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