If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
