life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
