**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
