I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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