I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
