my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
