is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
