if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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