I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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