If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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