At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
