I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
