Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize