New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
