Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
