I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
