I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
