he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
