Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
