I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
