I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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