shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
