Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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