You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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