I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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